Next thing you know your taxes are overdue and it’s six years since you decided to finally make that appointment to see a financial planner and it still hasn't happened. That avoidance itself leads to additional shame and more avoidance. When you’re filled with shame the natural tendency is to avoid facing whatever is making you uncomfortable. Shame interacts with avoidance to create a vicious cycle. I’ve avoided doing what I’m supposed to do about finances (creating a safety net, planning for retirement, sensible budgeting).
Here are just some of the possible versions of shameful feelings related to money:
Shame is one of the most common and powerful emotions associated with money and personal finance. It is a prime reason people avoid doing what they know they should. It's natural to want to avoid exposure in relation to something you're ashamed about. You might feel guilty because you have more than your friends, or you haven’t been particularly charitable, or you’ve had money come too easily. Guilt has to do with feeling bad about a negative impact you’ve had on others, while shame is a feeling evoked when you let yourself down or don't live up to your own sense of what’s right. Guilt and shame are not the same emotion. But common fears include the fear of not having enough, the fear of looking stupid, the fear of provoking envy and the fear of being exposed or humiliated. What’s there to be afraid of? The possibilities are as varied as there are individual stories.
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